After a month’s vacation, I have returned to the Ward relaxed and rested. I visited the home of Cheffy.

I learned several new recipes I hope to add to the menu here on Ward 8.

Don’t ask me what that is…..
And of course
French Toast


Cheffy was in charge while I was away and he did a fantastic job!
Everyone please give him a round of applause!!!

Recipe

—First, heat up your pants really hot,
then add oil.
—If you have time, you should suck the noodles for twenty minutes before you boil them.
—Add a little fresh black paper.
—Put the cabbages in salt water.
Then sit in the sink until the morning.
—Add two cups of ground flowers.
—Next, chop all the vegetarians
into little pieces.
—Then add small feces of fish.
—Don't forget to insult the soup.
—Next, add a little Buddha
and mix it all up.
—When you are finished cooking,
find a suitable bowel and eat it with chopsticks.
Food

Do you like this food?
I made it from scratching!

* * * * *

I never liked mushrooms,
but now they are starting to grow in me.
* * * * *
Do you like your coffee cremated?
* * * * *
Tomorrow I will go to a wine and cheese cutting party.
* * * * *
Every morning I have some toast
and a big glass of flute juice.
* * * * *
Did you have breakfast?
Yes. Now it is in my backpack.
* * * * *
My friends visited last night and
we served a nice pig dinner.
* * * * *
My favorite food is crap cakes.
* * * * *
My mother is usually already
cooked one or two hours before dinner.
* * * * *
A good lice cooker can keep your
lice warm and eatable for two days.
* * * * *
My sister exploded in the microwave with a potato!
* * * * *
I think that if there is a beautiful waitress in one restaurant and a normal one in the second, and they both taste the same, most people will visit the first one.
* * * * *
Would you like a potato wedgie?
* * * * *
I usually worm up my food before I eat it.
* * * * *
My stomach is so crowded.
I ate ten or twenty Buffalo wigs.
* * * * *
Would you like some?
No thanks. I just ate some chickens.
* * * * *
It took twenty minutes for the waiter
to take my odor.
* * * * *
When my roommates ate my cook,
they pretended it was delicious.
* * * * *
Are you hungry? I have dirty toes.
You have what?
Dirty toes. In my back pack.
Um, can you spell that?
Maybe D-O-R-I-T-O-S. Do you
Want to try one?
No thanks. I'm not so hungry
right now.

Happy Cooking
flapdoodle

An officer stopped by to question me about the chocolate pudding found in Dr. Killsmany.

I couldn't deny that the chocolate pudding probably came from my kitchen, but I had no part in his death. I'm just a chef trying to manage my kitchen.

Cheffy managed to distract him with some chocolated covered donut-holes on sticks.

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Definitions of Cooking Terms

Calorie:
Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Coffee (Arabian):
Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in tiny cups at gunpoint.

Microwave Oven:
Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Oven:
Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Preheat:
To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

Porridge:
Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Recipe:
A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

Tongue:
A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt:
Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
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Happy Cooking
flapdoodle

Cratchit, you have got to stop scaring my kitchen staff!!! McPickleface had to go home three times on Monday to change his pants, because you walked in the kitchen and yelled at him!

Now Cheffy is calling him McPeePeePants.

Speaking of Cheffy....

And Lola, Cheffy's been telling me you've been flirty with the newest intern...

His heart is broken. He even made you enema bag shaped cookies! I see this gal, Nurse Latex, snooping around the kitchen, though. She likes Cheffy's tattoo.


I hired another chef. He specializes in Swedish Crepes and Meatballs. Hopefully the residents will enjoy. He talks too much, though. In an accent you can't understand. I think it's driving Cheffy nuts.


Happy Cooking
flapdoodle

Rumor has it, I had some part of Cratchit's poop-o-rama the other week. Something involving chocolate pudding laced with exlax.

+

Well, I didn't. Miss Lola Mae is the culprit! I take no part in her hankypanky!

Lil' Abner's favorite jokes. (He makes Bearded Lisa smile. I smell romance a brewin.')

How long does it take to slip on a peel? A ba-nanosecond!

Which kind of room is never part of a house? A mushroom!

What is all white going up, but yellow and white coming down? An egg!

How can you turn a pumpkin into a squash? Throw it in the air. It will come down SQUASH!

How many peas are there in a pint? One P!

Why was the little berry worried? Because his parents were in a jam!

What two things can never be eaten for dinner? Breakfast and lunch!

When should a baker stop making doughnuts? When he gets sick of the hole thing!

What kind of beans just won't grow? Jellybeans!

Why did the jelly roll? It saw the apple turnover!

How can you divide four apples among five people equally? Make applesauce!

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A couple had been married fifteen years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Honey, your butt is getting big. I bet it is as big as the gas grill now." The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt. "Yep, he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size!"

The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day. That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife, and said, "How about it honey?" How about a little lovemaking?" The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.

"What's the matter?" he asked. She replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big grill for one little weenie, do you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This man comes home from work and his wife whines, "Honey, the dishwasher is broken." He says to her, "Who do I look like - the Whirlpool man?"

A few weeks later, the husband comes home from work and his wife whines, "Honey, the washing machine is broken." He says, "Who do I look like - the Maytag man?"

Another few weeks pass and he comes home from work and she whines, "Honey, the stove is broken." The husband answers, "Who do I look like - the Kenmore man?"

A few more weeks pass. When he comes home from work, his wife looks pretty happy. So he asks her, "What's the matter? Isn't anything broken?"

"No," she says, "Mr. Johnson from next door came over and fixed everything, and all I had to do to repay him was either bake him a cake or go to bed with him."

So what kind of a cake did you make him?" inquired the husband. To which the wife replied, "Who do I look like - Betty Crocker!?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Cooking
flapdoodle

This is Cheffy's new tattoo.
At Dr. Killsmany's memorial service buffet, we served spaghetti. Though, I saw some eyebrows raised at the stethescope shaped pasta.
\
The tables were decorated with his favorite vegtable, the eggplant.

Even Nurse Cratchit was teary-eyed. Lola Mae looked all nervous, biting her nails. She didn't flirt that much with my kitchen staff. This chef wonders if she's hiding something.
I hired a new kid, we almost have a full staff. This is Lil' Abner. He specializes in desserts.


Happy Cooking!
flappdoodle